Is there a friendship between a man and a woman and is this possible? Despite the fact that this question has been discussed for decades, humanity has still not found an answer to it. So, let’s think about it, is friendship between a man and a woman possible?
Opinions of people differ. Some categorically believe that such friendship cannot be, while others are sure that it is possible!
In 2000 an American study on this subject has been published. The authors of the study interviewed hundreds of students to find out the fundamental differences that men and women have in the concept of friendship.
Male and female friendship research
The American study, which was mentioned above, was conducted by Bleske and Buss. They asked students about the advantages and disadvantages of friendships with the opposite sex. As a result of the study, it turned out that men and women call the same advantages and disadvantages.
Each of the respondents had neighbors, colleagues, partners for discussing the opposite sex.
The positive aspects of the respondents included:
- the exchange of experience;
- increasing their own self-esteem;
- social status;
- the possibility of obtaining interesting information about the opposite sex.
- unpleasant relationships;
- a misunderstanding of the status of relationships;
- fewer opportunities to start a serious romantic relationship with someone;
- to live with a love that is not mutual.
However, the survey showed that the responses of men and women differed in certain key points. It turns out that men are more likely to consider sex and romantic relationships with girlfriends as an advantage. Although women mainly regard this as a drawback.
As a result, more men (22%) say they had sex with a girlfriend. While 11% of women admitted this. Although other later polls showed a clear increase in this data.
Men are more likely to complain about problems associated with wasting time if they spend time with women that do not meet their expectations. In other words, if a girlfriend does not sleep or is not in love with a man, then for a man it is a waste of time.
On the other hand, when the friendship between men and women turns into sexual friendships, some men continue to treat the woman as a friend, and not as a potential girl.
As a result, women more often remain in the zone of friendship with men, therefore they are more likely to find themselves in a situation where sex does not mean the beginning of a romantic relationship. Simply put, romantic obligations do not become mutual.
The survey showed that women also note the advantages and disadvantages of friendships between men and women. For example, they believe that the presence of male friends is an advantage when they go out, because they are helped by a sense of security, physical protection.
Women also like to meet people from the circle of friends of a man. Many girls prefer to meet guys – friends of their friend.
Summary of the study of friendship between boys and girls?
The study confirms the idea that men and women have different goals and desires when it comes to friendship.
Although it is possible that a man and a woman seek only platonic friendship, it also happens that the goals of each of them are different. The survey shows that men more often see their girlfriends as potential sexual partners or lovers.
While women usually value friendship with the opposite sex, which allows them to use protection, gain knowledge, save time.
Surprisingly, each gender sees the other’s advantage as its own disadvantage. Women see their friendâ€™s sexual or sentimental advantage more as a disadvantage. While men see the advantage in protection more as a disadvantage. Especially when a love desire is not mutual.
But despite this, the opposite is also possible. Of course, less often, but women may want to have sex with their male friend. And men want a long platonic friendship.
This explains why friendships between men and women are difficult in most cases.
So can men and women be friends?
The answer is “no” rather than “yes“. As this study showed, it often happens that â€śfriendsâ€ť do not have the same needs, the same deep desires.
This incompatibility of desires leads to a dissonance in relationships. Because meeting the needs of one harms the needs of the other. And when the relationship (friendship) ends, then someone will definitely suffer: either a guy or a girl.
But it also happens that friendship between a man and a woman exists and is â€śhealthyâ€ť. For this to happen, you must find a person with the same desire to be friends as you have.
I will give you 3 tips to help you build a strong healthy friendship with a friend of the opposite sex.
1. Tell about your desires
The first tip is to chat! This cannot be said that this will be the only condition for healthy friendships, but sincere communication is the basis of success. Disappointments are possible, but this is a part of the game. It is better to be yourself, sincere and say what you really think about, and not to accumulate everything in yourself, to suffer for yourself and make others suffer.
All disappointments and suffering in friendships begin when two people are not honest with each other regarding the goals of friendship.
Possible situations: when a man pretends to be just a friend, he secretly dreams of sleeping with his girlfriend, or when a woman is friends with a guy to feel safe.
An example of a conversation for women: make it clear to a young man that only friendship is possible between you, that you will never sleep with someone who does not plan a serious relationship with you.
An example of a conversation for men: be romantic, surround the girl with care and attention, make it clear that you are in a serious relationship.
2. Understand your friend’s needs
The second advice I will give you is to try to understand the needs of your friend or girlfriend.
When friendships are just beginning, you need to understand that your desires may not coincide. Someone wants to relax in good company, someone wants interesting conversations, resources, someone wants protection, someone – love, someone – sex.
To make the friendship between a man and a woman as healthy as possible, it is necessary to respect the needs of everyone. No one has the right to judge or discriminate against your desires. But you must also respect the desire of the other person.
3. Maintain friendships
And the third, last advice that I will give you is to keep friendly relations honest. This will avoid the frustration that could lead to the suffering of one of you.
As the study showed, sometimes friends end up gradually becoming romantically involved. In this case, the desire to satisfy sexual needs and find support from a person who can listen and understand is united.
This type of friendship begins on a solid basis. It usually occurs when the desire for love or sex is the same for both sides.
But this kind of â€śhealthyâ€ť friendship cannot last long. Therefore, it is better to stop them as soon as possible so as not to harm anyone.
If you want more than friendship with a friend (girlfriend), but he (she) does not want it, the best thing for you is to leave him (her). And vice versa, if you do not want a romantic relationship, if friendship suits you, and your friend (girlfriend) wants more, it is better to stop all relations.
In this case, it should be understood that if you do nothing or try to convince your girlfriend or boyfriend to stay with you as a friend against his wishes, your relationship will only get worse. Because one of you will grow frustratedâ€¦ Parting for you-will be the best solution in this case.