How to communicate with a narcissist and what you need to know about them? How to recognize a narcissist, we have already examined, but communicating with them requires special efforts. There are things that a narcissistic person will never do. He is not will stop playing games, foresee the consequences of their actions and compete with you to prove their superiority. He will not tell you a word of truth, will not apologize, never make peace first, and he will never change.
And what to do? Of course, the correct answer is one word: “Run!“, But this is not easy. And if you are married and have children, such a decision is not always justified and acceptable.
Since narcissists in modern culture are portrayed as â€śbad guysâ€ť, the most terrible scenario is drawn to the imagination of many.
Narcissists are masters of manipulation. They are trying to understand where your emotional â€śbuttonsâ€ť are and how best to put pressure on them, so the narcissistic violence scenario is more hidden.
As the narcissist takes pleasure in controlling you, he can suddenly show gestures that seem like a manifestation of care, attention, and love.
Since he does not recognize his feelings, he will try to convince you that:
- The aggressor is you.
- He got angry because you made him lose his temper.
So the narcissist causes emotional and psychological confusion. You begin to doubt yourself even more, especially if you are in love or emotionally invested in relationships.
If you are not ready, do not want or cannot leave, it is very difficult to restore peace of mind, remaining in a toxic relationship. Alas, the “red flags” in relations with narcissists become apparent only when you look back.
What rules should be followed when dealing with narcissists?
1. Stop doubting your feelings and opinions.
People remain in a toxic relationship until they become unbearable. We think that we have invested too much in this relationship.
We worry more about the dangers of the future than the price we pay while staying in a relationship.
2. Stop making excuses or hoping.
If you really want to leave, but for some reason cannot, find what is holding you back. Love? Habit? Fear of the future? A narcissist needs you, but not in the sense you hope. And he will not let you go. At least right away.
3. Do not blame yourself.
As soon as you understand what drives the narcissist, everything becomes clear, and you begin to reproach yourself for being stupid. Do not take what happened at your own expense. Narcissistic personalities are masters of disguise and make a lot of efforts so that you don’t know the truth.
4. Do not expect “final answers” and do not seek to “put an end to”.
When a breakup or divorce occurs, the psychological â€śimmune systemâ€ť starts the recovery process.
At first, we remember only the good, but then, when the â€śimmunityâ€ť weakens, we remember everything from annoying little things to really terrible moments: how he interrupted you in a word, how he was always busy instead of helping you, how he lost his temper and humiliated you in public.
These painful memories help us recover. Then, after the passage of time, we can recall the positive moments of the departed love with a degree of tenderness.
But this does not happen when you were in touch with a narcissist. All that remains for you is a lie, manipulation and a destroyed reputation.
5. Do not get involved in the game.
Even if you want to show your strength and answer the narcissist in the same way, it is vital for your well-being not to do this.
Narcissists seek power and do not miss the opportunity to start a fight. Do not respond to their provocations. Do not respond to the lies they spread. Narcissists will want to draw you into their orbit, but your task is to remain outside of it.
6. Keep calm and focus.
The narcissistic person experiences a great inner shame. He needs to win and look likes a winner in order to maintain a good opinion of himself.
Avoid open conflict, because we usually donâ€™t realize that we are dealing with a vengeful narcissist before it is too late.
The best approach is a formal legal one. Keep notes and keep them. If you have to communicate, do it in writing. Do not succumb to provocations.
7. Seek professional help.
Since narcissists have developed self-presentation skills, they seem convinced that they are right. It is important to understand this before you are flooded with a sea of petitions, statements and other tricks designed to make you give up.
Narcissists do not want negotiations – they want victory.
8. Recognize that recovering from a breakdown with a narcissist is a difficult process.
Since narcissistic individuals do not have empathy and do not pay attention to the emotional consequences of their actions, there is no hope of saving the relationship. You just have to look at the ruins of a relationship, as the destruction left by a hurricane or tornado.
This is a great psychological blow, especially if you were in a long-term relationship. Add the addiction of narcissists to revenge – and you will get serious problems.
If you scold yourself for not seeing the narcissist in time behind the mask of a successful and attractive partner, it will make you suffer even more. Give yourself time to cope with longing and seek help if necessary.